What were we doing one year ago?

CRYING!
We were packing our overnight bags preparing for Haven's early morning surgery. So many events or moments of this past year quickly become a blur and details become hard to recall but I will NEVER forget how I felt that night before surgery. I didn't want to change her smile and I had a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that we were choosing to put her through this. I was dreading handing my baby over to a surgeon (again) and making that walk to the elevator where we would wait...and cry. I remember thinking that I needed to pull it together, pack our bag, get some sleep and be ready for a difficult day that would be here and gone. It would suck but we would get through it and move on to recovery. I was worried about how Mike would react or deal with the day to come because he spent most of those first few months being "tough" and allowing me to cry and stress about things.
Turns out, I was right! That morning came and went. Our family was there to support us at 6am. Mike and I played and distracted Haven while they do the pre-op testing. All 3 of us gowned up and waited in the surgery area for them to call us in. Dr. Polley came in to see how we were doing (I totally lost my cool at this point). He said everything was going to be fine and to trust him. We kissed our angel, handed her to the nurse and walked to the elevator. I remember feeling like this was more than just surgery--this was changingher face forever and I had mixed feelings about that the entire time we sat and waited. There were so many weeks of preparation for this day including 9 weeks of the NAM and it was hard to believe we were actually sitting in the same waiting area we had walked by week after week for so many months before. When I would go weekly for my non-stress and biophysical ultrasounds--I would see people sitting in that same area and they always looked worried. Now, my family was sitting there.

After what seemed like days had gone by, Dr. Polley paged us to meet him in the waiting area. Everything was great--he was done and she was coming out of anesthesia. Another moment I will never forget--seeing my baby's smile for the first time!

The next hours and days really did suck--they werent as tough as I thought they would be actually but I would never want to re-live them. She was swollen and we felt helpless. Mike and I took turns sleeping in ICU so one of us was always right next to her at all times. Family and friends came and went and we were home again in 2 days. Once we were home...she did awesome! Started trying to smile after a few days and we slowly returned to normal life.

I've typed this many times in this blog but I'm going to say it again now...our family amazed us from day one of this journey. They proved day in and day out what it means to really be a family: they "showed up" when it mattered, dried tears, provided comic relief and often a good meal, loved Haven unconditionally and never, ever doubted that everything would be ok. I think back on everything from pregnancy to now and I believe that I am 100% a different person than I was before Haven. I truly know how strong I am because of the family I have behind me and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us all.

Tomorrow, Aunt Lindsey is having the 1st Annual Smile BBQ in honor of the day Haven got her new smile. We are overwhelmed with the love that Lin has shown Haven and the very idea of remembering September 25th each year in this way brings tears to my eyes. Thank you for coming up with this awesome idea Aunt Lindsey!! We love you.

Happy Birthday Emma Jane!

Nike....

So, Haven now knows how to use a straw. This "swoosh" shaped cut on her chin is from trying to drink my water too fast. :)

where do I start??

Happy Birthday Aunt Lin! We love you! :)

I'm really behind on posting photos and updates...so much has happened in a month! Wes is a BIG boy these days and Arlie is really a great big sis. Amanda is awesome and handing being a mommy of TWO like a champ. Lin had a birthday yesterday and as always, we're super proud of her as she started another school year.

Haven is walking all over--and even attempting to run. This has resulted in a HUGE goose egg on her forehead (now a weird yellow green bruise), a scratch under her eye from hitting the couch on her way down as well as a burn on her arm from falling against a landscaping brick. I promise I'm a good mom!! She's really tough and I think I cry more than she does when these things happen. Haven constantly walk/runs as if someone is chasing her--the dogs, daddy, arlie mae, etc. She moved to the toddler side of the baby classroom at school which is exciting to just me I'm sure but I did learn something awesome the other day when I picked her up--she sleeps on a cot during naps. Her teachers probably think I'm nuts because I couldn't stop saying "how the HELL do you get her to do that??" I have two fans, a nightlight and a million pacies in her crib at night to keep her asleep and you get her to sleep on a freakin cot voluntarily!? Anyways, she is apparently very well behaved and loves the older toddlers so maybe she just does whatever they do...

I will work on posting new photos because she has changed so much recently. We have so much going on--as everyone else does but I need to make more time to update the blog. This has become Haven's baby book in a way--I go back and read posts from her surgery (almost a year ago!) and it's like that was a lifetime ago. I'm so glad that I kept this journal of our experiences because this has been an amazing 14 months and I wouldn't change any of it. :)